Sharpened with Fire

I wanted to study at tafe so I had better prospects of getting a better job.

I’ve always been bad at studying unless in a classroom environment.

My girlfriend made me promise her I would not quit. But I am really unhappy with myself and don’t want to continue.

If I keep going I won’t do it to my best ability due to the nature of study and I will hate myself.

If I quit I will have broken a promise and let down the most important person in my life and hate myself.

Either way I’m not going to be happy.

Last night my lovely girlfriend said that my favourite character of my favourite movie reminds her of me.

This is such a happy moment. To think that I am so much like a person I always wanted to be like. And that the most important person to me recognises that. I’m speechless.

Lucky Man

The autobiography of Michael J Fox is entitled Lucky Man.

I too would use the very same title if I was to write my own autobiography.

I am so very lucky that I have found a person that I can completely be myself around and know that I will be accepted.
I’ve had tough times in my life. Some tougher than I even let others know. But I always maintained hope that one day I would fall in love with someone.

Even better than that, I fell madly in love with a girl who every day stuns me with her beauty. She staggers me with her compassion toward others. She is cute, at times being childish (which I love) and at times being the responsible adult she is.

I try my best to make sure she knows how much I love her and how special she is to me.

Her influence in my life helps to make me a better person. I love her with every fibre of my being.

I truly am a lucky man.

About to do something silly and foolish and embarrassing.

It must almost be February 14.

I’ve heard of people being a thousand miles away from each other despite being in the same room.
I’ve never had that before. Til this weekend.

I was so far away from someone I am usually so close to. It’s a pretty rough experience to go through.

But in an hour or so she will be all mine. I can’t wait. I love her so much.

I never thought of myself as a jealous guy. But I think I may be. I seem to get very tense when I think someone is hitting on my girlfriend. I need to improve myself.

I’m so lucky to be in love with the most perfect person I have ever met. Not only the be in love with her. But also to have her love me back. Every time I look at her I am amazed at how incredible she is.

I said something really stupid tonight and it was insensitive. I upset her.

I feel so bad for it. Like I’ve been kicked in the stomach. I can’t imagine how bad I made her feel. I can’t believe how stupid I can be sometimes.

I’m so sorry it hurts.

For the first time in my life that I can remember, I am genuinely scared. 

I can honestly say I have never felt this way about anyone in my life before. 
Even she admitted that she’s never had this connection with someone before. But there’s one challenge we are struggling to overcome. This hurdle will make or break us. I wish I could do something, but there is no physical way I can possibly change the life I have been given. I need to leave this decision up to her. 

I’m just afraid I’ll lose her. We’ve come so far and this is just the beginning. I don’t want the end to come for a very, very long time.

I want to make things official.

I’m just not sure how to ask. I may sound like a foolish little kid. But I just want to make sure I don’t mess things up.

I’ll figure something out based on her behaviour tomorrow.

So have I mentioned how well things are going with this girl?
Third date on Thursday. Endless hours of texting every day. Never running short on conversation. Thinking and acting so similar so often. She called me handsome tonight when we said goodnight.

I won’t lie. She’s actually kind of amazing and the feeling she gives me inside is so warm.