Sharpened with Fire

The ex girlfriend I care about the most is pregnant and due to deliver in 9 weeks.




It should have been my baby.

Sad, lost and lonely.

I used to have more friends than I knew what to do with. I never had time to see them all and I was always talking to them organising the next time we got to hang out. I was the most social person I knew.

Then I got sick of a few specific people and eventually realised they offered nothing positive in my life and were just holding me back. So I cut them from my life.

From that moment there was a significant change. My boss noted it and has offered me a promotion. A big one. I’m more than happy to be getting it and I am overwhelmed with pride in myself. As well as fear because it’s going to be a hard long road ahead now.

But when I have a day off of work. I sit at home. Alone. And think I’d like to hang out with someone. But can’t think of a single person I feel close enough to in this day and age that I could spend an extended period of time with and share any common interests.

I grew up too fast and have no one on my own level. So I don’t socialise. How am I ever going to find friends and even love in a world that I can’t be a part of because I am a loner?

I thought throwing away a few people I was friends with would benefit me. But it has done nothing other than take my other friends too. I don’t want them back. But I do want someone. A few friends.

My best friend lives in Queensland and rarely comes to south Australia. And I rarely go there. Both because of work.

How do I meet people and become happy again???

In depth questions no-one really wants to know about me.
1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?
2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?
3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?
4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?
5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?
6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?
7. What exactly are you wearing right now?
8. How often do you listen to music?
9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?
10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?
11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?
12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?
13. What about ‘R’?
14. Can you drive a stick shift?
15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?
16. Are you going out of town soon?
17. When was the last time you cried?
18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?
19. If you could change your eye color, would you?
20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?
21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.
22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?
23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?
24. What are you sitting on right now?
25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?
26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?
27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
28. Do you get a lot of colds?
29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?
30. Does anyone hate you?
31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?
32. Do you like watching scary movies?
33. Do you want your tongue pierced?
34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?
35. Did you have a dream last night?
36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?
37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?
38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?
39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
40. Did you have a good day yesterday?
41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?
42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?
43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?
44. What’s the best part about school?
45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?
46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?
47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?
48. Were you single over the last summer?
49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?
50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?
51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
52. Are you nice to everyone?
53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?
54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?
55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?
56. Do you think you like someone?
57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?
58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?
59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?
60. Do you hate anyone?
61. How’s your heart?
62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?
63. Have you ever cried over a guy?
64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?
65. Are your toenails painted pink?
66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?
67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?
68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?
69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?
70. How do you look right now?
71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?
72. Can you commit to one person?
73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
74. Have you ever felt replaced?
75. Did you wake up cranky?
76. Are you a jealous person?
77. Are relationships ever worth it?
78. Anyone you’re giving up on?
79. Currently wanting to see anyone?
80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?
81. Last person you cried in front of?
82. Is there someone you will never forget?
83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?
84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?
85. Are you over your past?
86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?
87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?
88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?
89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?
90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?
91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?
92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?
93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?
94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?
95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?
96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?
97. Who do you have texts from?
98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?
99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?
100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?
101. Ever kissed under fireworks?
102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?
Reblog if you’d like 1 message from a curious anon.

(via ahoysailor-)

Go for it.
1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.
2: Talk about your first kiss.
3: Talk about the person for which you've had the most intense romantic feelings.
4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far.
5: Talk about the best birthday you've had.
6: Talk about the worst birthday you've had.
7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.
8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of.
9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.
10: Talk about the biggest fight you've ever had.
11: Talk about the best dream you've ever had.
12: Talk about the worst dream you've ever had.
13: Talk about the first time you had sex.
14: Talk about a vacation.
15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.
16: Talk about the best party you've ever been to.
17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with.
18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school.
19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.
20: Talk about something that happened in high school.
21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.
22: Talk about your worst fear.
23: Talk about a time someone turned you down.
24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.
25: Talk about an ex-best friend.
26: Talk about things you do when you're sick.
27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else's body.
28: Talk about your fetishes.
29: Talk about what turns you on.
30: Talk about what turns you off.
31: Talk about what you think death is like.
32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.
33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.
34: Talk about the worst physical pain you've endured.
35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.
36: Talk about your guilty pleasures.
37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.
38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people.
39: Talk about things you wish you'd known earlier.
40: Talk about the end of something in your life.
Feelings?

Your face lights up and you smile and laugh when she is around. When it’s just me you are more subdued and seem kinda sad.
Either I upset you or she makes you happy. Which is it Ethan?

This is the question I was asked the other day. I’m not sure. But I know this isn’t the first post I have written about being unsure about this girl.

I was pretty pissed off when I found out she had a boyfriend. Then they broke up and I was relieved. But I still don’t know how I feel.

How?

I’m just totally over being alone all the time and sad most of the time.

I’m not the best guy going around.

But surely I am better than a jobless,alcoholic,drug using, 30 year old drop kick who has three kids to two different women.

All my friends who are girls say I am the nicest guy they know and that I deserve an amazing girl. But not according to my mate who couldn’t even make his own damn marriage last half a year. He reckons this other dickhead has the inside track.

HOW CAN THAT BE!?!??!?

Contradiction

Last night I was hanging out with a friend of mine. 
We somehow got to kissing and ended up having sex.
She is one of my friends ex’s.
I didn’t go to her place intending on it happening. 
It just did.

My tumblr is Warrior for the light for a reason.
Because I feel that I always fight for what it right.
This act was wrong.
It felt right.
But he was a mate, and I’m not sure if it changes my relationship with her too.


I have contradicted myself.

What do I do?

The floor is lava!

(Source: turtlefeed, via duckediaries)

I’m so bad at this whole finding a girlfriend business.

Every girl who I connect with on any kind of level has a boyfriend.

It’s heartbreaking.