I’m so lucky to be in love with the most perfect person I have ever met. Not only the be in love with her. But also to have her love me back. Every time I look at her I am amazed at how incredible she is.
Lying here in bed with Jasmin, the girl I am madly in love with watching my favourite movie. This is perfect. But so is every other second I spend with her.
My chest is sore with a heavy heart. We’ve both agreed of what to do about this pregnancy. But we still seem to be getting some kind of conflict which I don’t even understand. I wish I could say she is just being emotional about it all. But surely the blame partially if not entirely lies with me.
I hate her being upset. I just want to make her happy. I just want to be who she needs. Because I need her right now.
I can’t believe I just posted on tumblr that I got her pregnant.
I can’t believe it is even happening. It’s so surreal.
I honestly can’t believe how dependant I am on technology on nights like this.
The phone network is down, when I need to call my friend because I need help. I need to contact Jasmin because I care so much about her.
Of all nights for me to be cut off from those people, why did it have to be the night I am dealing with the fact that she’s pregnant with my child?!?!
I care about her so much. This is a huge deal. I can’t even speak to her because the network is down. I can’t tell her how much she means to me. That when she smiles at me every problem in the world seems to disintegrate from existence and nothing but happiness remains.
I just want to hold her in my arms and make sure she knows everything will be ok.
I said something really stupid tonight and it was insensitive. I upset her.
I feel so bad for it. Like I’ve been kicked in the stomach. I can’t imagine how bad I made her feel. I can’t believe how stupid I can be sometimes.
I’m so sorry it hurts.
Things have been going amazingly well with Jasmin. We spend so many nights together and when we have the same nights off, we have taken turns in cooking dinner and dessert for each other.
The other night she asked me if I have ever been in love before.
I answered honestly but I don’t know what to read into the question.
I care about her so so very much. I don’t know what word to use to describe it, I want to be very careful with how I proceed from here because I don’t want to make a poor decision.
I know however that she feels strongly. She isn’t an affectionate person according to her friends and family. But when we are together she is so cute and affectionate it’s like I am the only person in the world. Last night I gave her a kiss and she stared into my eyes and said ‘I like you very much Ethan Waye’
I can’t explain how good it made me feel when she said that.
For the first time in my life that I can remember, I am genuinely scared.
I can honestly say I have never felt this way about anyone in my life before.
Even she admitted that she’s never had this connection with someone before. But there’s one challenge we are struggling to overcome. This hurdle will make or break us. I wish I could do something, but there is no physical way I can possibly change the life I have been given. I need to leave this decision up to her.
I’m just afraid I’ll lose her. We’ve come so far and this is just the beginning. I don’t want the end to come for a very, very long time.
I want to make things official.
I’m just not sure how to ask. I may sound like a foolish little kid. But I just want to make sure I don’t mess things up.
I’ll figure something out based on her behaviour tomorrow.
So have I mentioned how well things are going with this girl?
Third date on Thursday. Endless hours of texting every day. Never running short on conversation. Thinking and acting so similar so often. She called me handsome tonight when we said goodnight.
I won’t lie. She’s actually kind of amazing and the feeling she gives me inside is so warm.
I’m just thinking constantly about her.